Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
