Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I didn't notice because vodka
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
