i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
