shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We need to get me chipped asap
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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