He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
