what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
