I hate all girls vehemently.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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