I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
