Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
