508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
