Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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