I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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