he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
