They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
