i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
