I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
