well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
