I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
