Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
