His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
