I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
