where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
