me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
