I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
