is your mom at the bar?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
