That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
