at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
