He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
