A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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