I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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