I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
