so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
