I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
