you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
