Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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