He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
