I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize