she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
