Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
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The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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