my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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