Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
