zippers are such a cool invention
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
