I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
