There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
