i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
