Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
