At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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