I'm gonna have a badass scar
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
