ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
