If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
there is glitter all over my balls
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