Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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