I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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