It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
