Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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