I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
