i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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