I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
we're making bets on your personal life
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
