a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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