well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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