sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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