let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Couch. On fire.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
