It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
