no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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