Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize