why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
