Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
