Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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