This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
