Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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