So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
