I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
