She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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