it wasn't lemon gatorade
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
