Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
