in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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