I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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